Thanks for the Mummyries

Vern gets a job at the museum! Okay, so they ask him to “go” in the dumpster outside, but the assignment—guarding an exhibit of Fairie and Mundane Egyptain artifacts—offers a walk down memory lane. Plus, his old friend Linda is assisting with the exhibit.

But when an actor hired to play the Harbinger of Doom goes nuts and destroys the exhibit, releasing ancient magic, a night of nostalgia becomes Night at the Museum. It’s Vern vs. The Mummy—and the scarab beetles, and Hatsup the Cat in this hilarious DragonEye short story.

This story takes place after If Wishes Were Dragons and before Nun of My Business.

Space Traipse: Hold My Beer S9

When Yours Truly gets too logical about an old episode, the parody gets grim! Get ready for this season of Space Traipse: Hold My Beer.

• Operation Denervate (parody of ST:TOS “Operation – Annihilate!”): The colony of Denerva is attacked by snot pancakes! Dubbed “nikimixas,” these pandimensional beings are more than just gross; these sadistic little buggers want to use humans to spread their kind across the galaxy, and they’ll torture the humans into submission or kill them trying. The Impulsive has a tight timeline and a difficult line to walk between saving the colonists and protecting the universe. But when Captain Jeb Tiberius’ brother is killed by the nikimixas, can he keep his perspective to lead his crew?
• Mistrials and Tribulations (parodying every court martial episode in the Star Trek universe): So, apparently, Union Fleet didn’t think Jeb did so good. In fact, when the captain of the USS Energetic Efficiency accuses Jeb of genocide, he’s got one shot to save his reputation. Unfortunately, the prosecution is one of the meanest, smartest, slyest attorneys in Union Fleet. Jeb chooses for defense, not another hotshot, but the Impulsive’s own JAG—a brilliant lawyer with unorthodox thinking…and crippling social anxiety. The Prosecution will never see him coming—but is he up to the task or will his lack of self-confidence result in his captain getting sentenced to a mind-wipe?
• Laundray Day (parody of ST:TOS “Return of the Archons”): Commander Smythe is in command of the Impulsive! (Don’t worry; Jeb’s on vacation!) When they investigate a 40-year-old distress signal from a missing HuFleet ship, they discover a civilization under complete control of Laundray, a computer program hell-bent on preserving the peace and employing laundry metaphors.

This season has a little of everything: adventure, grief, high stakes…even romance!

Mensa, Magic, & Mayhem

It should have been a cushy job: Vern and Sister Grace are given an all-expense-paid trip to Florida to chaperone a group of Magicals at a Mensa convention. Leaving Gapman to take care of Los Lagos, they set off anticipating sunny skies and interesting conversation.

Then the pixies start pranking, the Valkyrie starts vamping, and a dwarf goes to Fanny Flamingo’s Fantasyland hoping to be “discovered.” Environmentalists protest Vern’s “disrupting the ecosystem,” while clueless tourists think he’s animatronic. Not to mention Gapman’s desperate calls as he deals with hobgoblins and Moles of Unusual Size.

When the elves get high on artificial flavorings and declare war on Florida, it turns into the toughest case they aren’t getting paid for.