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I really love Dolfrick Dour. That’s all. Read on!

This wasn’t the first time Teleporter Chief Dour had teleported an embracing couple onto a ship, but this was the first time he’d teleported the captain in the arms of a stranger. One of the Lone Star crew, then – pre-teleport technology. He sighed. Another victim sacrificed to his goddess. He sent a command to his personal replicator for clean robes and test tube, then recorded her data on a microwire.

Meanwhile, she had disengaged herself and was looking around with wonder. She was a buxom woman, dressed in tight pants that flared at the ankles to make room for her boots. Her hair was brunette, wavy and messy enough to indicate some exertion. She had tanned skin and large, blue eyes. She reminded him of the girls his sister hung around with, always reprogramming their hair and makeup bots and trying to outdo each other for Miss Congeniality. Not his type at all.

She turned back to the captain, the curiosity in her expression making her seem younger. “Where are we? How did we get here?”

“Well, Ma’am, you hitched a ride.”

“And destroyed yourself in the process,” Dour concluded. Then, seeing her pale in shock, added, “You got better. Captain, shall I call a medical team for the other one?”

“Yes, thank you. He’s just stunned. Some caffeine and an analgesic, and he’ll be fine, but let’s get him to Sickbay, so he knows we care. In the meantime, ma’am, I’m Captain Jebediah Tiberius. And you are…”

The woman was examining the teleporter ceiling as if she longing to know its secrets. “Ellie Sue. Ellie Sue Loggins Seip. J.R.’s my husband. You’re the ones who tried to contact us, aren’t you? I tried to get them to listen, but J.R.’s second is as stubborn as an aft thruster. I ran to find J.R., and there you were, just striding through the battle, your men cutting down the opposition like the lawnmower before game day.”

Jeb grimaced. “They can get a little enthusiastic.”

“They were magnificent! And my husband just up and ran, so I knew someone had to take his place. I didn’t think. I just ran to you. I, I hope I wasn’t too forward.”

From the console, Dour watched how she sidled a little closer and looked up at the captain coyly. Dour kept his opinions to himself. He really wanted them to leave so he could start his cleansing ritual.

The doors opened, and a medical team with a gurney stepped through. As they loaded the sleeping man, the captain offered the woman his arm and told her he thought she could be of great help to them, but as they had a few minutes, they could take the long route and see some of the ship.

Just as they exited, a delivery bot zipped through the closing doors, bearing Dour’s robes, scanner and tools. He nodded to himself. The teleporter was the only mistress he desired.


Don’t worry, Dolfrick Dour will have his little ceremony complete before the medical and extra securtiy show up to beam to the planet. Unlike in most Star Trek episodes, these people take some time to prepare, go potty, etc.

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