Space Traipse: Hold My Beer

Now Playing: Lone Star



Join the adventures of the HMB Impulsive as it explores the galaxy, proving humans are crazy enough to do anything. Don’t believe me? Hold my beer & watch.


Captain Jeb Tiberius: He’s a good ol’boy with the best job in the world, a crazy-competent (or is that crazy, competent?) crew, and a ship with wikadas shields. Under his command, there’s nothing the Impulsive can’t do and won’t try.

First Officer Commander Benedict Smythe: Dry of wit and unending in patience, this Englishman has more fun on the ship than he lets on.

Chief Engineer Commander Angus Deary: Miracle worker or mad scientist of engineering? “Can I make the ship do that, Captain? Ach. Hold mah beer.”

Security Chief Lt. Enigo Guiermo Ricardo Montoya Guiterrez LaFuentes: Raised in the gang-divided generation ship, the Hood, even Union Fleet Academy couldn’t take the street out of him.

Helmsman Lt. Tonio Cruz: He’s a pilot and Italian. Do not ask him to fly the ship and talk at the same time.

Ops Officer Ellie Doall: She’s always ready to anticipate the captain’s commands, work miracles and cover the other officers’ butts. Just ask her.

Science Officer (and ship’s sexy) Loreli: A plant-based sentient life form, she’s not only the most competent and intelligent person on the ship (next to Doall), she’s also dedicated to wearing tight outfits that accentuate every curve of her ridiculously amazing figure, and being completely unattainable to the crew, romantically.

Transporter Chief Dolfrick Dour: By the manipulations of technology he reduced people to their most basic elements and rematerializes them elsewhere. Is it any wonder he’s 23rd Century Goth?



(Note: Future episodes may not have all links live. Please check the dates.)

Episode 1: Best Laid Plans of Vegetation and Cybernetic Beings: The fun begins! The HMB Impulsive has a routine diplomatic mission – to assist two warring planets to achieve peace through marriage by ferrying the prince to his wedding. But when the prince falls for the ship’s sexy (yes, that’s her title), and the Cybers attack, it’s far from routine. Improvisation and human hold-my-beer ingenuity save the day and the wedding.

Episode 2: The Polarity Panic: The HMB Impulsive responds to a distress signal. Can they save an alien ship they know nothing about? By Keptar, hold their beers and watch!

Episode 3: Foot in the Door When Loreli is attacked by xenophobic terrorists and left for dead, her body defends itself by taking root in the soil. However, her fight to save her life causes an interplanetary incident that could destroy peace in the area – and cost the lives of her friends on the Impulsive.

Episode 4: Day in the Life: It’s “filler” time! (As in “Filler Episode”) We follow Janbot, a janitorial robot on its rounds and get a glimpse of the private lives of the crew.

Episode Five: Lone Star: The Impulsive finds the lost deep space generation ship, Lone Star. However, it’s in the midst of a civil war as half the crew tries to stop the other from the genocide of an alien species. But is it genocide, or evolution?

Part 1: It’s ST:TOS “The Cloud Miners” meets Dallas in this new episode, when the Impulsive find a long-lost generation ship, the Lone Star.

Part 2: It’s brother against brother – literally – as Captain Tiberius discovers his long-lost cousins are in the middle of a shooting war.

Part 3: Headaches Save Lives! And you thought the filler episode was just an aside.

Part 4: When a beautiful stranger hitches a ride, Capt. Tiberius has a real live one on his hands. Too bad Dour kills her in the teleporter. (She got better.)

Part 5: Ellie Sue has a pretty face, but is her butt worthy of a follower of Keptar? Jeb does a little evangelizing.

Part 6: LaFuentes lives every peacekeeping force’s dream.

Part 7: Bobby Seip reveals why the brothers are fighting – and why the Impulsive must join their side.

Part 8: LaFuentes Picks up J.R. Ewing and Chi Nikki Chawa, an Evolved Paleo. (Nope, not a gang.)

Part 9: Teleporter Chief Dolfrick gets to kill and reassemble some newbies.

Part 10: J.R. and Bobby reunite and fight over the fate of the planet.

Part 11: Can Loreli’s people fall in love? No, no foreshadowing at all…

Ch 12: On the planet, the natives throw water on Loreli while Enigo gets dragged to a tent by a tattooed native.

Ch 13: On the ship, Capt. Tiberius realizes something’s wrong with J.R.

Ch 14: How do you know there’s a crisis brewing on a HuFleet ship? (Star Trek fans will see it right away.)

Ch 15: Loreli struggles with jealousy and Enigo gets a tattoo? What’s going on on that planet?

Ch 16: Wherein the tattooed native throws a wrench in the mission of the Impulsive – and the plot plans of the writer. So much for “TOS Meets Dallas.”

Ch 17: Security Chief Enigo LaFuentes again insists that the tattoo is part of the plan, and Chi Nikki Chawa has an announcement for the crews of the Impulsive and Lone Star.

Ch 18: Back on the Impulsive, things get even more complicated for Captain Tiberius. It’s bad enough he has to save the Paleos from his own kin – but now, from the Union, too?

Ch19: Don’t you love the arrogance of a species that would name its ship, Impartial Brilliance? It gets better – for you readers, that is. Read on for how it gets worse for the crew of the Impulsive.

Ch 20: In which, Captain Tiberius says one of the author’s favorite lines. “Well, by Kreptar’s Dimple, man, read it before she gets a cramp.”

Ch 21: JR. Activates the Alamo Protocol. (July 25)

Ch 22: In which, we learn why the ship shakes despite inertial dampeners. (Aug 8)

Ch 23: The Impulsive has 15 minutes to save everyone! Good thing they didn’t waste the past 2 hours. (Aug 15)

Ch 24: What happens when you lose special effects on a spaceship?

Ch 25: Have you been wondering what’s happening with Enigo and his crazy tattoo? Let’s find out.

Ch 26: What good’s a villain if he doesn’t come in at the last minute to cause more problems? (9/5)

Ch 27: They’ve got minutes to get through the anomaly and back to their universe, but Impartial Brilliance is in the way. (9/12)

Ch 28: They’ve saved the Lone Star, the Impartial Brilliance and themselves, but can they save J.R.? (9/19)

Ch 29: How many times have you thought “Why can’t you cure him by sticking him in the transporter?” Today, you learn why – and why the crew of the Impulsive may do it, anyway. (9/26)

Ch 30: We have to cure J.R. before Enigo kills him! Fortunately, Enigo has an idea, and Teleporter Chief Dour is the key. BTW, Dour’s got game. Apparently, genship chicks dig goth teleporter chiefs! (10/3)

Ch 31: J.R.’s life depends on Dour’s knowledge of arcane teleporter physics. Can Dour do the math? Let’s find out! (10/10)

Ch 32: Finally! The happy ending – and happy for more than just the people on the Lone Star. What’s been going on with Enigo and Loreli, you ask? Let’s find out! (10/17)

No More Space Traipse until 2019!