If you’re wondering what the heck is going on, go here to start at the beginning of the episode and here to start at the beginning of the universe. In the meantime, let’s see if Captain Jebediah Seip-Tiberius can save the day.
Captain’s Log, Intergalactic Date 67688.955
The excitement of finding the Lone Star after it had been lost for centuries has been overshadowed by tragedy. The command staff of the ship are at war with the colony they started on the surface of the planet they’ve named “Alamo.” Apparently, the issues are convoluted, so much so even the Lone Star’s bridge crew got to arguing when they tried to explain it.
I’ve decided to heed Lt. LaFuentes’ suggestion and establish peacekeeping operations. We’ve stationed the Impulsive between the warring factions. Our shields can take the beating, no problem. Then we’re taking a small security force to the surface to retrieve the two brothers and see if we can’t talk some sense into them.
Lt. LaFuentes had recommended they teleport to a hill a couple of hundred yards away from the fighting, and that his minions be armed with CrowdStunner 3000s. Jeb had doubts when he saw the gleeful looks on a couple of the security team’s faces, but LaFuentes was the expert in this situation, both by training and personal experience. Besides, he had shown restraint in not saying “I told you so,” on the bridge, so Jeb was willing to give him some slack.
They had taken position on the teleport pad in a circle, facing outward, with Jeb and LaFuentes in the center. They all crouched to make as low a target as possible.
“Ready, Chief?” Jeb asked the transporter chief, Dolfrick Dour.
“You shall all die by my hand and thus be remade,” he intoned.
“Just the way we like it! Beer us.”
They materialized as expected on the hill, and unnoticed by the fighting crowd. Although civil war, it resembled more of a tavern brawl with the amount of hand-to-hand fighting. Men and women dressed similarly in blue jeans and work shirts swung, kicked and charged each other. Interspersed among them were the humanoids, distinguishable because they were shorter and stockier, with longer arms. Most had colorful designs on their skin, peeking out where sleeves ended or clothes were torn. There was no shortage of torn shirts and quite a bit of blood, but most of the bodies on the ground were cussing and moaning.
“You know,” Jeb said as he scanned the field with binoculars for the men matching D.B.’s description, “I don’t think anyone wants to do permanent harm.”
“For now, anyway,” LaFuentes said. He scanned the field with his own binoculars, then pointed to where two men were fighting near a rock outcropping. “There’s our targets. Wide range stun. Cut us a swath and spread out from there.”
“Are you sure that’s necessary?”
“Headaches save lives!” The security officers, jazzed at actually getting to put their training to use, began firing with abandon. The CrowdStunner 3000s shot out wide beams, filling the air with cones of pale yellow, which actually had nothing to do with the energy itself, but had been added by the manufacturers so people knew where the beam ended and could jump out of the way. They said it was for safety, but most people thought it gave the other side a sporting chance. In this case, however, the technology was so advanced compared to that of the Lone Star’s that the inhabitants didn’t make the connection, even if they had turned their attention away from decking each other to notice.
Once the closest combatants were taking dirt naps, the team moved forward, keeping the protective circle, those in the back and looking behind and pouting internally about not having more targets. Soon the fighters noticed what was going on. The natives – and a couple of less intelligent humans – charged the team and were put to sleep for their bravado. Others tried to draw weapons. LaFuentes and Jeb took them out with hand phasers also on stun. After that, a few ran, but most tried to get a slug or two in before retreating and were stunned for their efforts.
Bobby and J.R. heard the commotion – or mostly the choruses of “Uhnn!”-plop! – and stopped to face the Impulsive team. J.R. called for retreat and ran, but Bobby pulled out a gun.
Jeb held up his hands. “Don’t shoot!”
LaFuentes dropped the Lone Star captain.
Jeb sighed. “Well, that’s going to make talking to him that much harder.” He paused to look around, saw that everyone was an Impulsive crewman or unconscious, and broke through the circle of security to approach the unconscious captain. He nudged him with his foot and rolled him over. The man snored.
“I had it on the lightest setting – 30 minutes or thereabouts,” LaFuentes said. “The rest will be out for an hour.”
“All right, then. Bring down some more security and some medical staff and let’s see what we can mend. In the meantime, I’ll take Bobby here to the Impulsive. If his brother comes back, try to get him to join us, without shooting him if possible.”
He tapped his comm badge and called for teleport. As the sparkle took over him and his lost kinsman, a woman ran out from behind the rocks and threw herself into his arms.
‘Bout time a woman threw herself at the Captain, eh? Happy Valentine’s Day!
But this is a Dallas mash-up. We all know how this ends. Right? I saw Dallas as a kid. Sometimes, I wonder about my choices in those days. Ah, well. Fodder for the writing now!
Speaking of romance. We may have a “ship” soon. Want to guess which characters may have a budding romance? Post in the comments.